Prison of Ice

A frigid wind entraps my heartless soul
Alive but dead a mere disguise of me
I'm proof of what you reap is what you sow.

I am a frozen stream that will not flow
I'm seeking refuge from this hell I see
A frigid wind entraps my heartless soul.

I live apart from everyone I know
This hollow shell is what I have to be
I'm proof of what you reap is what you sow.

I keep myself away from my own goal
The tundra's cold surrounds this ghostly me
A frigid wind entraps my heartless soul.

I hide the girl inside this grave of snow
Our souls are locked away, we cannot flee
I'm proof of what you reap is what you sow.

I'm lying dormant but I soon will blow
The keeper of the key will set me free
A frigid wind entraps my heartless soul
I'm proof of what you reap is what you sow

Go Carts

              The second I hopped out of the car, I started trembling as the sound of the go karts zipping around the track flooded my ears. The wind kept whipping my hair around my face to where I had to keep swiping it out of the way. This cumbersome task became annoying and difficult since I was holding my boyfriend's hand. As we crossed the short parking lot to enter the small building next to the track, I kept thinking of how perfect my birthday party would turn out, but I would have never expected the day to be anything like it actually was.

            A multitude of noises exploded in my face when we opened the door. The sounds of children yelling, various dings and pings of the video games, and tennis shoes slapping on the slick floor melded with the race cars outside creating pure chaos. As I stood in the doorway looking around my surroundings, I noticed that this tiny shack encompassed an arcade, a bathroom, and two enclosed areas just big enough to fit two tables in each one. One of these small sections was where we were going to set up for cake before we raced the carts. I smelled gasoline, garlic, and cake all at the same time which was strangely appealing. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a small secluded photo booth with a curtain hanging over the doorway in the corner.
          I dragged Erich over and practically shoved him into it. The skin on his neck doubled up on his attempt to fit into the picture, which made him look fat. Even though he didn't want to take it, he smiled. The only problem was that his smile was obviously forced. I climbed in after him with ease because I am much smaller than he is. I put the money in, cuddled up to Erich, and smiled at the camera. Out of the four tiny pictures only two came out well, but even those were not very good. I wish that I had realized that those minuscule photos would be the last pictures of a happy couple that we would ever have.
         After that we laid out plates and served the pepperoni pizza, which was devoured in no more than ten minutes. Then we had a choice of a chocolate or vanilla cupcake, and a scoop of Blue Bell Cookies 'n' Cream ice cream. I was almost finished with mine, when I heard the unforgettable screech of Trisha's voice, "Oh, my God! Erich, I didn't know that you were gonna be here."
          Erich buried his head in his hands as his ex, Trisha, walked over to us. He dropped his spoon and said, "I've lost my appetite. How the fuck did she find out I was here?"
         "Hey, Babe. Havin' fun at this lame ass party, 'cause you know you're always welcome to hang with us," Trisha said with a smirk as she nodded her head toward a group of two or three girls and one guy all wearing ratty blue jeans, dirty flip flops, and T-shirts that were probably two for one at WalMart.
          I stood up, crossed my arms, and said as politely as possible, "Trisha, I don't want to be rude, but this is a private party and you're not invited. So if you could just leave us alone, that would be nice."
"Well, ain't you Little Miss Princess. Babe, the offer still stands." She flipped her sandy blonde hair in my face and walked back to her friends.
          I turned to Erich and said, "I am so tired of her tryin' to push up on you. Let's go play some games."
I grabbed his hand and proceeded to walk over to the South Park pinball game. Trisha must have been watching because she started walking over to the same game, but we got there first. I put in my coins and started to play when she "accidentally" ran into me.

         "Oops! Sorry." The words slithered out of her mouth just to bite me in the ass. I couldn't take it anymore. She had been doing this crap for months, so I snapped around, grabbed her arm, and said, "Trisha, Erich doesn't want a fat ugly bitch for a girlfriend. That's why he broke up with you. Get over it and leave us alone."

          I was staring directly into her dull green eyes, and for a second I thought I could see a glint of a tear. I felt really terrible, until she swung her enormous fist into my gut. She knocked the wind out of me. I stumbled toward her group of friends, but to me they seemed like a pack of snarling hyenas as they egged her on to mess me up. I stopped myself from falling over and lifted my head to see her guffawing in front me.

         My anger came over me, and instead of waiting for someone to break up the fight, I rammed her like a linebacker. She flew backward and her head hit the corner of the game. It toppled over onto her as the glass immediately shattered. Sparks began to dance around her unconscious body like fireworks at a Fourth of July celebration. "YOU KILLED KENNY! YOU KILLED KENNY!" ran on a loop for what seemed like hours.

         I collapsed in a heap on the floor as I helplessly watch her friends descend upon her lifeless body. The police were called and they took Trisha away in a frenzy of sirens, screams, and the buzzing voices of the witnesses and the people wondering what was going on. Erich, my mother, and my father all surrounded me until the cops questioned them one by one.

        I was told an hour later that Trisha hemorrhaged and died. I was charged with her murder and I am now serving ten years in prison. It would have longer if I had not taken the plea bargain, by pleading guilty. I still never got to ride my damn go cart.

I.V.

             "Hey, want to grab somthin' to eat at the next stop? 'Cause I can't wait all the way to Houston," Mark said as he drove my black 2006 Mustang G.T. on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere.
"Sure, babe. I just want to make sure we get home by tonight."
             We drove about thirty miles before we came across a tiny diner called Marla's Table. The only thing I could stomach was the apple pie, but Mark stuffed his face with a giant cheeseburger. I knew that it was horribly unhealthy when I saw the grease dripping of it onto his plate as he lifted it to his mouth.
             "Eww. How can you eat that?" I asked in pure disgust. He ignored me and kept eating. We didn't speak until he peeled out of the parking lot onto the deserted road.
            "Mark, slow down! You're close to 90. This car is my baby. Take care of her, 'kay?"
"Chill. We've been the only people on the road all day."
            The sky was sliding from burgundy into black as we were singing along to "Mute" by Drowning Pool. I was nodding my head to the beat when I glanced up into the nothingness in front of us. In a matter of seconds a large black and white cow stepped into the small oval of light from our head lights.
             I screamed "MARK, WATCH OUT!," But it was too late. We were going too fast and the cow was too close. On impact, I lurched forward and my head slammed into the dashboard. The shards of glass on my lap seemed to become tiny pieces of red hard candy, as blood trickled onto them. I tried to turn my head to look at Mark, but I couldn't move. He's probably hurt. I need to get to him to save him. I managed to get out a garbled whisper, "Mark, are you okay?" Then everything went black.
            A yellowish light glares in my face as my vision becomes clearer. A fat woman with a white nurse hat perched on frizzy pumpkin colored hair and black old fashioned cat-eye glasses is leaning over me. She smiles and I can see her yellowish grey teeth as she says in a southern drawl, "Darlin', I'm gunna get the doctor."
I prop myself up so that I can see her as she waddles out the door. I look around the dingy hospital room trying to figure out what is going on. Suddenly I realize that Mark isn't in the room with me. Where is he? "Oh, shit! Mark!"
           An old tall white man shuffles into the room. He rubs his hand on his head brushing around the few wisps of hair that he has left. He puts his clipboard on the side table and smiles an almost toothless smile. He coughs blood into a handkerchief and says, "Nurse, insert her I.V. as I test her responsiveness."
           He shines a bright light in my eyes as I ask, "Where's Mark?"
           "I'm sorry, but there was no one with you." He coughs again, and missing his handkerchief, splatters blood all over my chest.
           I feel a sharp stab in my arm, so I scream and jerk it toward me. Searing pain ignites in my arm as I hunch over it to shield it with my body. A warm liquid begins to soak my stomach and lap, so I open my arms to look down. Blood is spurting out of a rubbery blue tube that is protruding out of my arm. Is that the I.V? But the Nurse is still holding the I.V. Bewildered, I look down again. The tube coming out of my arm is my vein, which has been ripped out. Blood is gushing from a large winding gash that reaches from my wrist to the crook of my elbow. My skin has rippled away from the gaping wound. I spring up in complete shock, and as the nurse tries to come near me, I freak out. I jump out of the bed and head toward the door, but I slip on my own blood and hit my head on the hard white tiled floor.
           I lie on the floor in a daze watching a crimson sea of blood seep around me. I gasp the words "help me" over and over again. The nurse and the doctor have abandoned me. All my hope is being drained along with my blood and warmth.
          As I grew cold, the sound of sirens, splintering glass, and the screech of the crushed car door being opened flooded my senses. I could hear Mark saying, "Babe, I'll get you out of here." I struggled to lift my head, but all my strength was drained. He sat me up so that he could unlatch my seat belt. He was covered in dried blood and he was crying. I tried to hold on while he tried to get me out of the car, but I couldn't. As I looked into his eyes, I closed mine for the last time.

Old Poetry and Stories Salvaged from old Myspace Page 2

Sestina

the Queen adorned in rose
petals sits aloft in her forest.
Decomposing Butterfly wings in crimson
hues adorn her shoulder blades.
she lies now mere skeleton
once ruler. A magical fairy

This radiant queen fairy
now encased in her wilted rose
no coffin for her regal skeleton
she no longer rules the forest
from wound inflicted from a blade
a rush, hot liquid crimson

once a smile painted crimson
with shimmering wings of a fairy
murdered with a treacherous blade
the traitor rose
and fled into the forest
leaving the Queen's skeleton

Rest in Pieces no one will disturb your skeleton
Subjects bestow flowers of crimson
harvested from the forest
pay respect to the Great Queen fairy
from the woodland pews they rose
all except the bearer of the treacherous blade

She hides the scarlet stained blade
as the subjects abandon the skeleton
the traitor grasps a rose
she wears rich royal robes of crimson
and peers at her mothers skeleton
known ruler of the forest

this Traitor now rules the forest
power gained through evil use of blade
she the power greedy princess fairy
stabs her mother's skeleton
her heinous smiled painted crimson
a wicked cackle through the treetops rose

Subjects bestow her with a royal rose that flourishes in the forest
the wielder of the crimson tainted blades
murdered the skeleton of the Great Queen fairy

Locked in your Locket

You've got my heart
       pierced with a chain that hangs around your neck
              But why does a new locket rest upon your chest          

                  Are you trying to make me jealous?
                       or are you sadistically malicious?

Did you really think replacing me would go unnoticed?

I'm stricken with erotimania
                that's what my psychiatrist says
I'll forgive your restraining order
                if you'll stop playing hard to get

I won't be thrown asunder
                 my devotion isn't fake
                                          I'm doing US a favor
               you'll see… she's a mistake

No matter what the cops say
                     I swear it's self-defense,
I'll be your future, past,
                       and Of Course
                                   your present-tense

Exposing the Negative

The girl with the negative outlook
peers into her splintered twin
as scarlet droplets develop into crimson pools
translucent glass sliced her knuckles
 exposing bone
she cradles it in her lap
as she focuses on
her face

now cracked and disfigured
finally mirroring
herself disgust

Utter Morbidity

I will take you to that place where nothing has a face
just gaping lonely holes
I'm the angel of your nightmare
and the demon of your dreams
I'm the one that basks within the terror of your screams
I'll glide like the raven that pecks out your eyes
And I will be by your side to watch your demise
I never wanted to torture you
just wanted to watch you squirm
This is just complete nonsence
There is nothing for you to learn

My Knight

            The classic fairytale romance is far from my fairytale love. My knight wears shoulder and butt pads instead of armor and wields a light saber instead of a sword. Four years ago when I met him, he was far from heroic in his grimy ankle socks, knee long black shorts, and what was a white t-shirt, before he began slurping up a blue sucker. He then dripped the electric liquid down the edges of his mouth, which made him look like he had slaughtered an entire village of Smurfs and feasted upon the carnage. His tousled charcoal curls seemed frozen in an afro ball on top of his head. Even though he's not gangsta, his friends and I agree that he is the blackest white boy ever. I could seriously braid his hair if he'd let me. He was so shy that he wouldn't even talk to me, and just kept playing the Yu-gi-oh trading card game with the little Mexican kids that live behind me a.k.a the munchkins. When we started hanging out later that year, I realized that he was even more of a dork than I had imagined. He not only was a total Star Wars freakazoid, but he also played baritone saxophone in his school band. I really thought that I had found the perfect dork.
          That may seem weird but at the time I had decided that I would only date a dork since I didn't want the whole pretty boy syndrome. Well I got more than I asked for. He was clumsy and since he was terrified of making a wrong move in our relationship, he robotically waited for me to order him around. We would talk about absolutely nothing for two, three hours and I was the center of his world, so we would hang out the minute he got home from school. He had self-esteem issues because he thought that he was ugly and he was afraid that I would leave him for a hotter guy. Several dramatic yet pathetic suicide attempts followed. One time he jumped off a twenty foot overpass, which did nothing but sprain his ankles, and then he hung himself from a branch on my tree in the front yard, which would have been tragic if he had not been about a foot taller than the branch he was using. Mr. Drama Queen was unhappy even though he had me. He wanted to be more popular and he wanted to be better for me, even though I reassured him on a daily basis that I loved the way he was and that I wanted him to stay like that. Despite my opposing belief he did the worst thing in my mind that he could possibly do aside from cheating on me. He became a football player. Suddenly my life was high jacked by my worst nightmare of buzzy things, touchdowns, and bleacher butt. My wonderful little dork started working out and caring about his spiral. I had so many Marsha Brady moments that I was forced to catch and then throw the ball back, I've actually gotten pretty good. As he got buffer and way more handsome, I got worried. I was so afraid that he was going to dump me for a bobble headed bleach blonde cheerleader, that I became super paranoid. I started sabotaging the best thing in my life. I would break up with him in twenty minute increments. Thank god that he dealt with it and stayed with me. Now I'm his personal cheerleader from the stands. I have come to love his football games. Well I don't love them, that's pushing it, more like bordering on bearable. Anyway he is a lot stronger and is really hot in his tight little spandex pants which makes the whole experience a lot more worth it.

Persuit of Beauty Originally posted in 2008

            Many may not know that I have had self image issues for most of my life, they may also not know that I had head gear and braces for three years trying to correct the horendous self esteem smasher called my smile. This was all three years ago but I was so scared that I would never be loved since I was so much younger, it affected what I thought of myself immensely.
            I was hopeful that I would be able to correct my underbite with the humiliating head gear that I wore through summer that not only caused mass amounts of pain to my teeth, but also the large hooks that were installed to attach the head gear, which resembles some kind of torture device from Saw, bore two large bloody holes in my upperlip that are still there today even though they are faded.
           Well all the time that I spent with that stupid head gear did not achieve my desires, so I will be having jaw surgery.....which means that I will have my jaw broken and a piece of it will be removed, so that it can be reset.
            I will be on a liquid diet for six weeks while my mouth is wired shut, Hannibal Lector would be proud, with the job they will do.
           Am I going too far?  Am I wasting my time?  Should I just live like this, the piranhawoman?
all I see in the mirror is my Jay Leno Chin, but I've been told no one sees it, but I see it so I guess that's all that matters right?    

 

__________________________________

Once again I am finding myself in the comprimising position of letting the EVIL Time Eaters, Munch away at my paper deadline.  I have not yet grasped the thought of finishing things early like a responsible human being. Instead I lollygag then start to freak out when I finally realize there is no "Tomorrow", no "later." Finally I see that what was Later is Now!!
What is left? When all the "Later"s have expired and the DEADLINES become Reality, not abstract future dates.

It's Over.............................................................................. This is Over................................................................................. I'm Over....................................................................................
../

Dedication

             "Marisa, Just leave me alone," wept Xavier. "I’ll do anything. Please just stop." Bulbous tears plummeted rapidly forming a shallow pool in his lap. He knelt on his knees, with his head hung low almost as if he had been partially decapitated.
              A lofty voice permeated the air. This wicked whisper announced, "Baby I love you. I’ll never leave you all alone. We need each other. Remember what you said?" a cackle emanated from Marisa, who was circling Xavier in a shark like motion.
               "If you stop this…I’ll…. I’ll…. turn myself in. F-f-f-f-for real. I s-s-swear," he pleaded as his voice quivered. His head bobbed as he struggled to take deep breaths. Forcing out the words, he dug his nails into his hands trying to keep a grip on reality. Marisa’s spiral glide abruptly stopped in front of Xavier. She twisted around as to face him, knelt, extended her pale stiff left hand and grabbed his chin. He slightly resisted as she raised his face to meet her gazed. Upon visual contact, Xavier’s pupils dilated as the rest of the color in his body drained away. He gasped. Then sputtered out a miniscule almost inaudible squeal. Marisa’s face was nothing like before he had hurt her two weeks ago. Her rich mahogany hair was grimy and dull. Her golden skin used to glow with warmth, but a sallow cracked completion replaced it. Her sparkling mocha eyes were now sunken and black as obsidian. These hollow holes gleamed in the moonlight that slipped in through Xavier’s bedroom window.
          "Babe I don’t want you sent away, especially because of me. I want to collect on your promise. It’s the least that I deserve after what you did to me. Remember what you promised me?" A large deranged grin spread like an endless chasm, across her inhuman face. "You promised…yourself to me...Forever"
           She closed her eyes and leaned forward slowly puckering her peeling blue lips. Xavier’s eyes bulged as he tried to struggle, but he was paralyzed.
           He abruptly sat straight up on his bed panting and screaming out "MARISA." His mother bolted into his room and cradled him.
           "Honey, they’ll find Marisa. Whoever took her will be caught, and then we can all get back to our lives."
            Xavier stared blankly at the wall, as his mother rocked him. He spoke in a small whisper endlessly repeating, "Marisa." A month later, his parents placed him in a sanitarium. It was a week before his 17^th birthday. He’s 21 now but no one visits anymore. Well as far as the nurses document, for they only see a deranged young man, not his dedicated companion.

more olf stuff

I feel your criticizing gaze bore into my skull

just like this world that crushes my vertebrae into dust
I'm the forgotten rose in the closet
deprived from water and sun
I'm wilted
limp from exasperation
I'm crushed by this high voltage darkness
like you always have
ignore me as I melt into this eternal abyss

Originally posted April 24th, 2008

_______________________________________

Wicked Wonderland

I'm the crimson queen of broken hearts
Decaying in my house of cards
that rests upon the chessboard field

that pesky little Cheshire Cat
perched on the Mad hatter's Hat
the door mouse's fate is Sealed

Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee
who's riddles confuse me
speak of oysters who from their shells were peeled

we are all in Wicked Wonderland
that rest in my royal hand
with my scepter that I wield

Originally posted April 18th, 2008

_____________________________________

Blackberry Abyss

My Mother always said

be Careful what you wish for

her voice was like needles in my eardrums

I wished for a blackyberry PDA

nothing happened.....

one cloudfilled day the wind whirred and licked about me

    I lost my footing and fell over

                   A Cliff

and clinging to the edge i saw a bush

                  a thick jucy blackberry bush

and once agian i could hear

 my mother's needly voice saying

Be Careful what you wish for

as i plummeted to my death

_______________________________________

clandestiny

stop
to take a breath
after you choke upon the curdled words you screamed at me

Stay calm
as you stop drop and Roll
After you set yourself on fire to watch the sparkle of the flames

scream out MY name
maybe then you'll remember it

hold on to your safety-pinned memories
as I disintegrate everything you've ever known
I'm just reciprocating all atrocities
then finally I'll leave you All alone
with your withered remnants
Touché
Checkmate
I've won
_____________________________________

Decomposing Butterflies

the decomposed butterflies feed til dawn
no soul is safe from scarlet tainted grip
Angelic Demons are of Satan's spawn

I stand appalled just like a doe-eyed fawn
as angels lost in hate begin to slip
the decomposed butterflies feed til dawn

from Heaven's light to fiery flicker drawn
nightmare of fearful victims flesh they strip
Angelic Demons are of Satan's spawn

paralyzed I watch their great brawn
the descending monsters take prey to rip
the decomposed butterflies feed til dawn

the Bright moon like the dead is wan
like bats with acrobatic twirls and dips
Angelic Demons are of Satan's spawn

they Come for me hungry now all hope's gone
upon my face is fear my blood they sip
the decomposed butterflies feed til dawn
Angelic Demons are of Satan's spawn

Third Installment of Old Poetry

Watch Me

Watch me from across the room

with hunger in your eyes

Watch me slither, glide towards you

you're mesmerized

Watch me brush my lips against your ear

i'll whisper naughty things

that i know you want to hear

Watch me plunge my fangs in you

drain away your life

Watch me glide away from your corpse

completely satisfied

Originally posted June 11th, 2008

tethered to a corpse

and there i go
slipping through
this is the last time i think of you
waiting for
somthing else
at least i can't fail this too

I'll walk away
one last time
i won't keep you tethered
to me forever
I'll set us free
I'm sorry

Originally posted June 8th, 2008

Letter to the Love of Last Week

I hope there's a shard buried deep inside your heart that twists every time you hear my name. I know that I'm not to blame for your immaturity, just your continued existence. Love, that tricky bitch blinded me to all your imperfections. Next time she presents herself to me, I'll make sure to beat her 'til she's black, blue, purple and swollen. I'll leave Love crumpled in a burgundy pool of her own blood and strewn teeth.
Her broken bones are my trophy for my fractured heart. This is my carnage carnival and I am the ring master of all who enter the gates of my hell.
(This was a product of a combination of a broken heart and good old-fashioned teen angst.)

Originally posted April 9th, 2008

More Old Writing

Clementines

Perscription bottles and clemintines
Peel off the orange
Get the sweet stuff inside 

 

Originally posted February 4th, 2009

 

Imploading on Myself

Thick night rolls over me, clouding my thoughts. My aching eyes and oxygen deprived brain, lulls me. Sleep is wanted. No...needed, but is denied. A responsible person would have turned in hours ago, but I didn't and I won't. My need to be with those I love drives me in this internal war. To speak to them is to be with them, even though I am away.
Now I am crumbling under the darkness' pressure. Imploding on myself. With tender back and aching eyes, I accept defeat.
Let the nightmares slither into my consciousness and deaden my soul. I am armed with love. Soon the sunlit dawn will break, and once again I will be thrown into reality.

 

Originally posted August 18th, 2008

your simulated love won't fill this endless void
i'm tired of fuckin hearin that i'm paranoid
you're dickin around but i gotta stay true
fuck this shit i'm through with you
shut up bitch this ain't over yet
a woman hath scorn don't fuckin' forget
I'll be laughin when they drag me away
I'm chillin with this necklace of your vertebrae

Originally post August 3rd, 2008

Old Poetry and Stories Salvaged from old Myspace Page

Nevermore

You’re feeble attempts to fix us mirrors
Cleaning windows of a burning building
Smoke, soot black billows out
It clings and absorbs into the moist, pure clouds
Thunder shakes our squaller shack
Polluted ink drops paint your crystal windows
Splattered on my face, these sooty globs
Mingle with mascaraed sobs
The polluted clouds hover low over this dirty shack
With an ominous omniscience
Like a stately onyx Raven
Quoting wise phrases from another world 

“Nevermore”

Like never mind
Just like I never mattered in your mind
Now you strive to save something you crushed long ago?
Finally tired, sick from exhaustion I feel no woe

“Nevermore”

My sorrow subsided sometime ago
Deep RAGE replaced the love I felt
I do not grudge your lack of Love
I loathe you for the time I’ve wasted 

“Nevermore”

Just desserts, as far I’m concerned
When they find your charred remains
I’ll laugh and just refrain

“Nevermore”     

Originally posted February 18th, 2009
 

Oh Sweet Agony

My small purple netbook has been cracked across the screen so I have had to purchase a new computer. Don't get me wrong the new one is beautiful, but the qualities my little one had that this one does not are still left to be desired. The new one is metallic pink and is extremely pretty also this one has a built in dvd/cd burner. The screen is also quite large compared to a netbook. It is 15" where as my little netbook was only around 7".
 This is not my exact computer but it looks pretty much like this one.  The pink is a little warmer though, more rosy.